I have spent my time on the "stream" this past week reading the postings on a number of blogs. I like to leave comments in the form of questions because I seem to discover the "behind the scenes" from everyone"s answers rather than what they volunteer in their writing.

I was touched by the posting of a lady calling herself Daisy, that told of her facing her personal dragon of an abusive husband. In answering a comment she revealed what I considered the present fear. That she was past the age that her dreams would come true.

So, this recollection of a personal experience is for her.

Two joints into a Friday afternoon, myself and two of Harley buddies grew a wild hair and we decided that we would leave Dallas, ride due north on nothing but two lane roads to the
Canadian border. Somewhere in Kansas we came upon an elderly gentleman (turned out to be 84) lying in the ditch beside the road with a brand new Harley on top of him that had him penned.

We stopped and helped him up and prepared ourselves for the ensuing story by sharing a joint with him. He then began to tell us that his son would be coming by soon so he wasn't overly concerned. As far as the new bike, he explained that his entire youth he wished for a Harley but his mother wouldn't let him have one. He returned from the war with the same wish for that Harley but the desire and love a young woman trumped his wishes again. No Harley.

He explained to us that she had been the love of his life for 60 years, but she died two days ago and yesterday he got his Harley. Wishes have a long shelf life. All you have to do is wish and be prepared for anything.

In watching this movie "V", I was quite impressed with at least three questions it raised. The first being the obvious one, of how much people are willing to "give up" to not feel fear.

The second being, how can one truly live without fear. The manner in which they answered the question was by discovering that "one inch". That last inch that you are not willing to concede, that death is a fate better than the surrender of it, whatever it is for you. I believe until you have personally experienced that point that it is all speculation.

I digress from the questions to a real peeve of mine. The constant inferences and statements that place pro football in the arena of warriors engaged in a life and death struggle really chaps my ass. If that were true, the losers would be shot as they left the field.

The third question, is violence ever necessary. This question and it's ramifications, personally sent me to a Zen monastary in Japan. I had blood on my hands and lived in a world that I was glorified as a "gunfighter". Twenty five years later and I still don't have an answer for that and have adopted what I learned in the monastary. That "good" questions never have answers.

I wonder if the solution reached by V in the movie is true for me. That a new world will rise from the ashes in which violence is not an option but, there is no place for those who have taken and shed blood.

I find that I'm ambivalent about that, for if there was even a chance that my death meant the start of a chain of events that would transform this world, okay, let's do it. That's my inch. Although I would have a guarantee that whatever waited for me personally, that somehow I would get to know how it all turned out.

This week saw the five year anniversary of 9/11. If you did not know that, means you certainly haven't come within shouting distance of a TV camera or anyone wanting to be on camera. The media and everyone who depends it have been in rare form. I believe that the mass media, and therefore most of the public, have let us down once again. That the date we should be looking at is 9/12. The events of 9/ll were misappropriated starting on 9/12.

Fear and our knee jerk reactions to having our bubble burst has all the similarities to the the movie and graphic novel, V. It may not be that bad yet, but it doesn't require much of an intellectual jump to imagine. We have given in to our collective fears that someone, out there, wants to take my bubble.

It certainly doesn't help that this conflict is always packaged as something existential. They don't hate us because of our liberties, they hate us because of the things we've done, and they have a lot of history. We even share the history of being caught between the aspirations of France and England.

In the sixties I spent time in Damascus. In the coffee shops the story tellers still told stories of the first crusade and how the invading barbarians (Cusaders) took Jerusalem and slaughtered over 40,000 people. Jews, Christians, and Muslims all were killed, every single one. Now I know that no one who was in the towers can be linked to that, but seeking revenge by going after a few among many in a part of the world that proudly celebrates it"s history and the struggle against outside invaders. For our President to equate this to a "crusade" in speeches. AMAZING

I personally believe that if at home America dealt with the consumerism and fundamentalism at home, the poverty and inequities at home, combinined this new set of values with the respect of other cultures that this would and should be our strongest argument in this "struggle of civilizations" and should be what we export, not bunker busting bombs.

It is Friday afternoon and I am listening to, for the 2nd time in succession, "Beethoven's Violin Concerto" as played by Heifitz and the Chicago Symphony. This is probably my favorite recording. Over the years I've listened to it more than even Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon". {and that's alot}

This recording is the first and last step needed to allow myself to come out of depression and stand in awe of this thing we call life and the possibilities of humans, It is not just the beauty but the fact that all of the parts were given to us, but it takes the human part of the equation for a piece of wood to sing.

My depression usually is a result of looking around and finding NO ONE in power that thinks like I do. Now alot of people can and do say that and I claim no certainty for anyone other than myself. My certainty comes a lifetime of questioning and differs from alot of people in that I am not afraid to say I DON'T KNOW.

Just a small deviation from Beethoven. Think about it. the fact that sound exists, that it is created by vibration, that we can hear it, and the metals and wood for the instruments, they are all gifts. Just given. Now add the human and magic results.

The reason this moves and inspires me is that I believe all we need on this planet to make it paradise is given to us as a gift. That if we applied the human part of the equation right, the world would sing.

Several years ago I was involved in a conversation with a friend and teacher. She had asked me to read a book and give her my input. The book was about the Pleidians. I don't know about their existence or not, I need a personal experience of something before I can believe, but I responded that the concept put me off, in the same way the concept of heaven is portrayed does. Now, I don't know if there is "heaven", but the concept that there is someone or something out there that is going to rescue us,save us from ourselves and remove the responsibility of what we have done to this planet pisses me off.

The people in positions of power must think of this place is merely a jumping off place. That we can do what ever we please with no regard for the consequences. They must, what else could it be.

I just hope my cd of Heifitz and Beethoven lasts till I die.